1. Depression, especially at-work depression. This thing is tough! You think it's on its way out of your life finally and SMACK, it bitch-slaps you right in the face. How many posts have I made about this awful depression--this huge green-black, heavy, freezing wave? How many times have I thought, seriously, that I was overcoming my depression and dealing with my grief once and for all, that I'm finally getting over it, that I truly feel free? How many times has my Lord dealt with me about it, taught me lessons from it, and delivered me from it's icy grip?
2. Groveling. Today I asked Rob if I could come home. It's been ten weeks. I've decided to have rotator cuff surgery once again since I'm no longer motivated to continue with my holistic approach to these bone spurs, and my right shoulder is agonizing. The last surgery took four weeks to somewhat recover from. Rotator cuff surgery is listed among the top five most painful and debilitating surgical procedures. I'm not looking forward to it. Once again, I'll face my demons, my ANTs. Last time I had the surgery I had great motivation to recover and rehabilitate: once I got better I would be able to fly back to my home in Utah and my darling prince who loved me. This time I will spend the entire month of rehab thinking with this one: well Robby sure isn't waiting for you to get well and come home this time, is he now...
Wailing. Not just crying, sorrowful, sniffling little crying. Big. Loud. Wailing crying. I haven't cried this hard since the day I left for Spokane.
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