My Journey from Misery to Ministry

"You asked, 'who is this who questions My wisdom with such ignorance?' It is I - and I was talking about things I knew nothing about; things far too wonderful for me." ~Job 42:3

Saturday, October 30, 2010

45. An Anniversary Blessing

This weekend marks the one year anniversary of my exile from Brown Rd, Olympia. Instead of feeling devastated and reliving the trauma of that weekend, I am choosing (quite easily) to celebrate. Not the loss of my marriage, my Father hates divorce. I'm celebrating the recovery of the child God created me to be.

Today I began to re-read the book of Romans, and was stopped in my tracks by the Holy Spirit before even completing the first chapter! (Kim and Courtney, you might remember me referring to this as the Holy Spirit elbow-to-the-side when you were little :) 

Paul, "an obscure Roman citizen without connections" wrote his letter during a time of literary giants in Roman civilization: royal decrees, important poetry, moral philosophy--yet Paul's letter rose to great influence, surpassing all the world-class writings of the time. How could I not pay attention today?

Paul highlighted for me in Romans 1:22-25 how, from my lofty perch in my home in the forest above Olympia, I had lost sight of my First Love--GOD, who created that forest surrounding that home. I had traded Him for a big house, a pretty yard, an intellectually superior husband, financial security and lots of toys. I went to church, yes, I praised Him with singing, I had a fish on my car---but I had become proud and boastful.  Many times over the past year the thought has not escaped me, how many pictures I had on facebook of my home; or how walking into Costco now stung a little because I could no longer splurge on whatever I fancied. Pride and I had each other over a barrel: we OWNED each other.

Time and time and time again we see how God gently rescues His beloved from themselves, where the story goes like this: they think their world has come to an end; they feel like they've been blindsided; they only see rejection, grief, and loss...until one day Someone opens their eyes to the truth of their situation: RESCUE. GRACE. MERCY. BETTER-THINGS.  My exile from my home was NEVER a punishment (although I certainly deserved punishment). It was never a tool to teach me a lesson. It was never God saying you think you're a bigshot Trace, well let Me just show you what bigshot is... NO!  My exile was a blessing. Being saved from MYSELF was an act of kindness from a Father to His daughter, and Paul made that absolutely clear to me on this important weekend. 


"For although they knew God, they neither glorified Him as God nor gave thanks to Him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles"    ~Romans 1:21-23


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

45. Mirror Talk

As our hearts face, process, deal with, and eventually heal from their brokenness--betrayal, loss, disappointment-- we GROW. We grow UP, we grow STRONGER, we grow HEALTHIER. During the time of profound grief following a breakup this concept is nearly impossible to grasp. We think, there is no way I'll ever recover from this; no way I'll ever think of this event as simply an intersection in my life... NO!

There are times my Creator speaks to me, saying,  I'm here to tell you, by the name of Jesus who created you, who drives you, who created the entire universe yet is one hundred percent focused on YOU: you will get through this disappointment/ betrayal/loss/grief. You will be healthy and happy again!

Here is an exercise: hold up a mirror, look yourself in the eye, and tell yourself you love yourself. It's good for you, and it makes God happy to hear you say those precious words to yourself. There is a lot of power in words. Just look at what your husband's words did to you! Now, if you know by your own evidence the power that lies in the tongue, then use that very power to lift yourself back up to the woman God created you to be. Look at yourself in the mirror every day and say, out loud, to you: I will be healthy and happy again. God loves me, and I love me, too. God created me to be loved: I AM LOVE-ABLE.

Positive talk to the you in the mirror isn't easy in the beginning. While you're devastated it might even seem impossible; you may have to really force the words out BUT: it gets easier every time you do it. Keep in mind that when you tell yourself that you love you, you are also telling Jesus that you love Him, because He resides in you! He lives in you because He LOVES paradise, and you are paradise to Him! He WANTS to reside in you, He LOVES residing in you! He LOVES the you that He created. Tell Him! Tell you: I LOVE YOU!