Last weekend I drove to my old city, Olympia. I was scared to death--came close to chickening out and canceling more than once. In nine months I had never been farther north than Woodland - just ten miles north of where I live now. Traveling any further has always been too painful; simply out of the question.
On this day, July 31st, I had been invited to the birthday party of a very special little girl who lives in Olympia. She had been through a tough year with her mama, my dear friend Kim, having been deployed to Iraq. She was turning 11 and her Aunt Tracy was expected to be there for the big event! While the prospect of driving to Olympia terrified me, I simply could not disappoint my precious little friend by not attending her party, and I really did want to see the family. I agreed to go, and determined to follow through on my promise come hell or high water.
The week preceding my drive up I had two or three moments of panic. I was depressed and scared. I did not think I'd mentally survive actually being in Olympia, driving the roads I know oh-so-well. Knowing I would be within a few miles of my home. My husband. My heartbreak. What if I got halfway there and froze? What if I got TO Olympia and froze? What if I got too scared to come back? All these questions and fears swirled around my head for a week.
When Saturday arrived I prayed most of the morning, and set out around 11 am. As I approached the Woodland exit I felt the Spirit of the Lord in the car with me, with a calm manner and a sweet voice that simply said, in less than a mile we will be stepping into the river you fear so much. The water will be very swift, and deep. But I want you to know that you'll not be crossing the river alone; you will be on My back; I'll be carrying you, to the other side and back again. You will return to this shore unscathed. Are you ready, child...?
And then I was past Woodland. And I was completely at peace. The further north I drove, the more powerful my peace was. My Creator kept asking how are you doing, Trace, and my answer was always, doing great, Father. Over and over He said to me, just keep your eyes on the road and you'll see Me. Before I knew it I reached my destination and found myself helping keep a half dozen ten-year-olds together. I had a wonderful time! On the drive back home, same thing: nothing but peace. Before I knew it I was crossing south through Woodland and back into Vancouver; home again safe and sound--and very, very happy.
Sometime later in the week I was praying and meditating on God's grace and mercy and I considered that opening scene in Cliffhanger. I thought to myself: God, who created the entire, vast universe, is like Stallone in that scene: hanging on tightly to my hand while I dangle precariously above the crevasse, pleading with every ounce of my being for Him not to let go of me. But I had it wrong.
His gentle spirit spoke again, saying no, child, it is not I who is secured to the rope, clinging tightly to your hand while you beg Me not to let go; you are the one safely secured, and I am begging you not to let go of Me.
So great is the love of our Father, who keeps us safely secured without our even knowing it! He created EVERYTHING we know; He owns it all--Psalm 50:10-11 says "For all the animals of the forest are mine, and I own the cattle on a thousand hills. I know every bird on the mountains, and all the animals of the field" --yet he begs us not to let go of Him.
Is there really any way at all to comprehend this? I am at a loss to be able to do so. Thinking about His vast love for me; His concern for me, is so comforting! He truly is my rock--He is my new husband! I am so in love with Him and so grateful for His grace. My trip to Olympia last weekend, something I feared mightily, has given me new eyes with which to eagerly watch my future horizons. I now have a solid MIRACLE in my arsenal to draw from when I need strength to do battle: when memories come calling, or depression comes crashing down, or fear tries to paralyze me.
My life will, from this day forward, never be the same!
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