Rebound clinic is trying to figure out what made my rotator cuff tear. Yesterday's visit revealed almost no calcific crystals, which was truly amazing to me. The pain and loss of ROM is from an actual tear this time. MRI tomorrow night, then the surgeon will determine if he can help me at all. He is from the school of no-narcs; he rolled his eyes over my pain management protocol. I love that, these surgeons have all the answers: you're in pain? hell just deal with it, what's wrong with you, blah blah. He also silently scoffed when I told him about trying to deal with these joint problems with diet restrictions and supplements. They mock. They know it all. They know YOU, and YOU must be a liar/pansy/addict/hyperchondriac. Just once I'd like to meet a surgeon who has himself had joint pain that keeps him from using a limb.
On another road, the whole CNA thing is starting to give me a headache. I'm having second thoughts, and am considering a Medical Assistant class instead. But then again, Kimi talked to me the other day about following my PASSIONS in life, and none of those are tied to the medical field. My passions are photography, graphic arts, singing, and ministering to other broken-hearted women someday. I'd also like to write a novel, the theme of which has been floating around in my head for years.
I really believe, though, that before I can get serious about following ANY dream or career, I really need to get my act together emotionally, and get my freaking ADD brain on track. Just tonight I took inventory on how many things I am in the middle of and have no time set in which to finish: As of right now I'm smack in the middle of When the Vow Breaks, Meeting God at a Dead End, The Bible, Change Your Brain Change Your Life audio, three different entries to this blog, and several advanced photoshop tutorials. On top of all that I'm investigating which CLASS to start taking (class! seriously?) and managing my ever-present -but-slowly-diminishing waves of depression and attacks by memories.
OMG. I need a session with Gayle, pronto. Until then, I think what I really need to do is make a list. It should include what I'm in the middle of, when I started it, and a reasonable date I can expect to finish it, followed by the next thing on my list. I know that my head spins when I try to consider all my readings. I look at them: book 1, book 2, book 3, blog, facebook, email... and I just get stressed out. I want to finish each thing but need to put them in some sort of order, and then follow through on each one in that order. Gayle...?
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